RachelLess Years
by jlangblues
Summary: It's been four years since they started college, and the distance is starting to take a toll on Finn. Finn/Rachel.
1. Distance

Title: RachelLess Years

Summary: It's been four years since they started college, and the distance is starting to take a toll on Finn. One shot, Finchel.

A/N: This really isn't even a fic… more just a scene? If that makes sense. I don't know haha, but I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it!

* * *

Finn misses her a lot. She calls every day, and they text a ton, but it's just not the same as actually seeing her face to face, being able to hold her in his arms. He can't sleep that well when she's gone. He just sort of lies in bed, stares up at the ceiling, counts as the blades on the fan go round and round. He sleeps with the windows open, because the noise from the street calms him a little; he can't handle the silence that surrounds him in the room when it's just him in there, by himself.

Nervous – that's the feeling that starts to take over whenever she's gone. It feels like his skin's crawling, kind of, an itch that can't be scratched until she's back in town. He used to be good at the distance; well, not good, but okay. He missed her and stuff but he was okay because he knew that she was off doing her thing, and he was doing his thing, and that they were both where they each needed to be. But it's been four years now, three long, Rachel-less years. He sees her some weekends, and usually at Christmas. She doesn't come home for summer anymore though.

He rolls over onto his stomach, pushing his face into the pillow, taking a few deep breaths. Reaching over for his cell phone that's on his nightstand, he dials the familiar number, holding the phone to his ear. He closes his eyes tightly, and he feels pathetic, so needy.

After a few rings, she picks up. "Baby?" Her voice sounds scratchy, hoarse, concerned. "What's going on?" He is quiet for a couple of seconds, his eyes still scrunched shut. If he doesn't open them, he can almost pretend that she's there.

"I miss you, Rach," he says, and his voice catches a little. "I can't sleep."

"What can I do?" she asks quietly, and he hears some rustling from her end of the phone. She's probably moving from her dorm out into the hallway. He knows from experience that her roommate is a light sleeper, and he can practically see Rachel in his mind, her comforter trailing behind her, as she sits down outside of her room. It just makes that nervous feeling racing over his skin turn into want, and he misses her so badly that he actually feels an aching in the pit of his stomach.

"I don't know," he whispers, and he sits up, dropping his head down to his knees. "I just. It's just that I miss you, and I know I was okay earlier today and stuff, but it just feels like it's been so, so long since I've seen you and I can't sleep, and I hate it."

"I know."

"And I know I've probably been super annoying this semester, and I'm sorry, because I know that the end is in sight or whatever you keep saying but it still feels like May is so far away." Finn sighs. "I'm acting like such an idiot, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"It's okay," Rachel says, comforting, "you're not acting like an idiot. I miss you, too, you know." Her voice sounds a little sad, and Finn rakes a hand through his hair, frustrated. He pushes the bed sheets away from him, and haphazardly gets out of the bed, tripping over his own feet in the dark. Swearing under his breath, he makes his way over to the door, flipping on his bedroom light. Suddenly, the dark disappears and he glances over his room. It's a mess. His clothes are strewn all over the place, dirty towels are piled up near the door to his bathroom, and there are glasses of half drunk water all over the place – like he's in _Signs_, or something. He has a couple pictures of Rachel stuck on the wall, pictures of her laughing and smiling, one of her and him at his twenty-first birthday party. Her smile is wide, her arms wrapped around his waist, hugging him to her tightly. Finn sighs again.

"I just miss you, Rach."

"I know. We'll be together again soon."

He turns off the lights, and he gets back into bed. He stares at the ceiling fan, as he listens to Rachel talk about the play that she's working on in school. She complains about her classmates, saying how they are unmotivated and unprepared. He interjects here, saying that obviously they are motivated if they're going to that school, and she gives in, saying that, okay, maybe they're motivated but they are just not as motivated as she needs them to be. Finn laughs, and she laughs a little too. He tells her about his business class, and how confusing it is, how difficult it is, but that he thinks he's going to end up getting an alright grade if he keeps going to his tutor. They talk about seeing each other in a month, and then they talk about him moving out to New York. He admits that he's a little nervous and she says that it's okay to be nervous, that he'll love the city once he moves there officially. She asks him if he's feeling any better after about an hour, trying to cover a yawn but he still hears it clearly.

"I know, you need to go," he says, covering his eyes with his free arm. He's still not tired at all, and that nervous feeling is starting to skitter over his skin again. He hates saying goodbye, he hates having to hang up the phone.

"No, no, it's not that, it's just that I'm afraid I'm going to fall asleep out in the hallway," Rachel says, giggling a little. Finn doesn't say anything. He's irrationally pissed off right now; he doesn't know why, he just hates that Rachel has to go, he hates that she can't stay on the phone with him, he hates that she's going to fall asleep so easily while he's going to spend the night wide awake.

"Finn," she says quietly, trying to get him to say something. He stays silent. "Finn. I can keep the phone on, even after I fall asleep. It'll be like we're sort of together, even though we're not."

"What, I'll listen to you breathe for five hours, and that's supposed to make me feel better?" he asks sharply, immediately regretting what he just said. "Rach-."

"I'm trying to come up with a solution," Rachel interrupts tightly, and Finn can tell she's trying not to get upset. "I can't just stay up all night talking to you, I have a lot to do tomorrow; I have classes, and then rehearsal, and then work at five. So, it's either 'listen to me breathe', or hang up now."

"Fine," Finn says softly. "Please keep the phone on."

"Okay," she says, and her voice is soft. "I love you. _Please_ have a good night, okay?"

He tells her that he will, and he apologizes, and she say that its fine, that she knows that this last month is probably going to be a bit tough on them both. She says that she loves him, again, so much, and he says that he loves her, too, more than anything.

"The Finn-Less years are almost over," Rachel says sleepily.

"Yeah. They're almost over," Finn says, thankfully, and he continues staring up at the ceiling, watching as the fan goes round.


	2. New York

Title: RachelLess Years

Summary: It's been four years since they started college, and the distance is starting to take a toll on Finn. Finn/Rachel.

A/N: Gah, I know I said it was a one shot, but I couldn't stop myself from continuing the story on a little bit. Antsy/Nervous Finn is just too much fun for me to write! Reviews are love, and the best present a girl can get ;-)

* * *

Finn's not just a little nervous to move to New York – he's scared shitless, and everyone besides Rachel knows it. His roommates make fun of him, saying that the Lima boy will never be able to make it out in the Big Apple, and his mom always sounds worried whenever Finn starts to talk about selling his car and saving up money for an apartment in Manhattan. Finn tries to act all unconcerned, and like moving so far away from home isn't a big deal. Usually he does a pretty good job convincing everyone, even himself, that he's not afraid.

Some days, however, Finn doesn't bother putting up a fight, doesn't try to act all tough. It's not that he hate the city. He can't hate it, because Rachel's there; he loves her. But there's a part of him that kind of wants to live in Lima, get a good job, buy a house, and have his kids go to McKinley just like he did.

But then Rachel calls him, and she gets so excited, and starts talking about how great it's going to be once they're living together, and how much he's going to love the city, and how they'll have to save up so that he can go to all the sports games he wants. When she starts talking like that, it makes him sort of excited too, and he forgets that he's supposed to be nervous and freaked out about leaving Ohio.

Then she hangs up though, and he's left alone with his thoughts, and he starts to get all panicky. Like, what if this isn't his dream to move to New York, what if it's just Rachel's, and he's solely going along with this because of her? What if he starts to hate her because she's taking him away from his home? Worse, what if he moves all the way out there, realizes that it was a stupid decision, and then has to move back to Ohio alone?

It just freaks him out, but he doesn't say anything because Rachel is so awesome, and she's stuck with him through the past few years even though he's been stupid and done stupid things. He knows that New York means the world to her and he just can't take that away from her.

So when May finally comes, and Finn graduates from Ohio State, Rachel flies back to Columbus for the week to help him pack up all of his things.

Finn sits on his bed as Rachel goes through his closet, folding his shirts and pants neatly before placing them into cardboard boxes.

"Do you think you want to keep all of your old football jerseys? They look absolutely disgusting," Rachel says, holding up the number five he used to wear every week during high school. Finn looks at her with a blank stare. Is she serious?

"I mean, of course you'll want to keep them for memory's sake," she quickly amends, "but do you want to take them to New York?"

Finn shrugs.

"I guess not." He flops back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. What the hell would he need football jerseys for in New York? It's not like anyone there will know where Lima is, anyway. Finn's visited Rachel a couple of times at school, and he knows that all of her friends there basically think that he and Rachel are from the Middle of Nowhere. Even when he says he goes to Ohio State, which is a big school, bigger than NYU, they all think it's in the middle of nowhere. He's tried to explain a couple of times that Columbus is not just some small town, but her friends always smile knowingly at him, like, _look at that dumb hick, he doesn't even realize that he is one, poor guy_.

This is what Finn has to look forward to when he moves to New York.

He's starting to feel shitty again, and he sits up on the bed so that he can see what Rachel is doing.

She is sitting down on the ground, and she's reading his high school yearbooks. He frowns.

"Aren't you supposed to be packing?" Rachel looks up, startled.

"Well, you seemed to be taking a nap and I was getting a little tired of folding," she says. "I found these in your closet, and I thought it'd be funny to read them. I didn't even know you brought these with you to college," she finishes, and Finn rolls his eyes.

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Um, maybe their first year," she giggles, and she goes back to reading. "Just to let you know, Quinn was super excited to hang out with you the summer after freshmen year. And she signed her name with a heart above the i." Rachel collapses onto the floor laughing, and Finn rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, that was clearly a match made in heaven," he says, and Rachel flips through a few more pages before picking up another one of the yearbooks. She scowls a little, and looks up at Finn a bit angrily.

"I always wrote you the nicest yearbook messages, and if I remember correctly, all you ever wrote in mine were 'have a nice summer, I love you'," she says, laying down on the ground and leaning the book against her knees so she can read more comfortably. "I wrote you an epic five page note in this one, and I bet you anything that you wrote me a single sentence response."

"Yeah, you wrote it, when you could have just as easily told me everything that you wanted to say," Finn says. "You know I hate reading stuff."

Rachel sighs. "Yes, but as _you_ know, it would've meant a lot to me if you had taken the time to at least attempt to write something profound. Yearbooks mean a lot to kids in high school; I was no different."

Finn gets off from the bed and goes to sit next to her, looking at the yearbook as well. "We're not in high school anymore, so this shouldn't be bothering you then," he says, following her logic. He's rarely able to do that, but when he does, he kind of likes to make sure that she knows that he has. Not in a mean way, but just so that she's aware that he's not completely dense all of the time.

Rachel nods, and shuts the yearbook, letting it slide to the floor with a thud. "I guess you're right," she says quietly. She sits up, and places her hands on Finn's knees, looking him straight in the eye. It's like she's trying to do some sort of Jedi mind trick, and finally she says, "what aren't you telling me? You're upset about something."

"It's kind of freaky how you do that," Finn mumbles, and she responds lightly,

"I'm kind of psychic." Finn can't help but laugh, and he kisses her forehead. She smiles in response, and then says, "I know you're hiding something from me though, so you might as well come out with it. If you want to not tell me, that's fine, but the alternative to that is that I will continue to pester and annoy you, until whatever information you're hiding finally comes spilling out in a way that you can't control. And I'm not sure you would like that."

He doesn't look at her; he looks at the ground and says a little awkwardly, "The whole moving to New York thing? It's making me really nervous."

Finn can feel himself starting to blush – God, he's such a pussy – and he almost expects Rachel to start hitting him or screaming at him.

But she doesn't. She entwines her fingers with his, holding both of his hands, and kisses him on the cheek. He looks up at her, and she doesn't seem mad or anything, she just looks concerned. He doesn't know if that's better or worse.

"Why?" she asks, and he asks her to repeat herself, and she says, "Why are you nervous?"

"Because," he says, exasperated, "I know what your friends think of me. They think I'm stupid, they think that Lima is stupid. Even you, you make fun of me for still having my yearbooks, and you want to throw out my football jerseys, and I don't know, maybe I'm not cool enough for New York or whatever, maybe I'm not, you know, big city enough for you."

Rachel looks hurt. "I wasn't trying to make fun of you," she says in a low voice, and she almost seems ashamed. "I thought it was adorable that you still have your yearbooks. And I don't care what my friends think of you, if they bother you, I won't be friends with them."

Finn looks at their hands, how small her hands are compared to his. He shakes his head. "Rach," he tries to say, but she cuts him off, pulling her hands away from his.

"No! Don't Rach me! You are not doing this, Finn Hudson!"

"Doing what?"

"Ruining this relationship! We're going to talk this out right now, and we're going to fix this," she says determinedly. "Because, as far as I knew, we'd been planning on you moving out to New York since we started college. You're the one who said that I needed to go to the city and follow my dreams, and you're the one who said that you needed to stay in Ohio to grow up, and you said that once you graduated, you would be grown up, and you said that you would move out to New York for me. You said that, I didn't say that, you said that." Tears are starting to fill up in her eyes, and Finn almost wishes that he hadn't fallen for her stupid psychic line, that he had just told her that she was being silly.

"I am, I am moving to New York for you," Finn says, frustrated, "but I just feel like I'm not going to belong there! I don't know how to figure out the subway system, and I've never lived outside of Ohio before, and I'm just." He stops talking. Rachel is crying a little, and she tells him to finish; to say what he feels, and be honest with himself and her.

"I'm scared," he says simply. "I'm afraid you'll realize that I'm not right for you, and that I'm not right for the city." Rachel brushes her hands across her face, wiping away her tears.

"We've been together for six _years_," Rachel says. "Don't you think that if I thought that, I would've broken up with you at some point?" She doesn't give him time to respond. "The Rachel-Less years are over, Finn. Don't ruin this moment just because you're nervous. You know that we'll be okay, you know that I wouldn't let anything bad happen to us."

He does know this. He knows that Rachel will take care of him once they get to the city; he knows that she will help him adjust and teach him how to get around on the subway, teach him how to live in such a busy place. He's never had any reason to doubt Rachel. But, still.

"I don't know. I guess it's just that I've been waiting for this for so long, waiting to be with you again… I'm just worried that it's going to, you know, fall apart on us somehow." And Finn feels so stupid the minute he says that, like a weak idiot.

"I'm worried too," Rachel says, and Finn looks at her, and she smiles at him, a hopeful smile. "But I'm not afraid. It's an adventure! And if the adventure doesn't work out the way we wanted, if you absolutely hate New York that much, then we'll find somewhere else to live," she says, and she looks so sincere that Finn knows she's telling the truth. "I would never make you live in a place you abhor. And I would never let us fall apart."

Finn doesn't know exactly what abhor means, but it doesn't matter, because Rachel is kissing him and he's kissing her back and he's starting to feel a little more confident now.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, holding her tightly. "I just get freaked out sometimes."

"I know," she says, and she does know because she's Rachel, and she knows him, sometimes better than he knows himself. He runs his fingers through her hair, and he says,

"I'm so glad you're here, and I'm so happy we're going to be back together. Like back, back together, like living in the same city, and I guess it doesn't really matter what city it is. I've missed you." Rachel nods, and wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him closer.

"I'm so happy, too. And you _are_ going to love New York," she says in a matter of fact tone, and Finn laughs.

"If you say so, Rach."

"I do."


	3. Together

A/N: It bothers me so much seeing unfinished projects on my author's page. So, this little fic is finally, finally completed. Thank goodness!

* * *

Rachel and Finn move into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment in Brooklyn at the end of May. The apartment's on the third floor, and so most of the day is spent dragging box after box up the stairs, or waiting for the elevator. Rachel's dads offered to come and help them move in, but Finn told them that he and Rachel would be okay on their own. He said that mainly because he thought that if he and Rachel moved to the city by themselves with no assistance, they could prove to their parents that this wasn't just a silly idea; that moving to New York together, officially, was going to be great.

He just didn't realize how much actual _work_ went into moving. Packing his room up in Columbus had been one thing – but actually moving all of their things to the city, and then having to unload every single last item on their own? Was like some new version of hell created especially for him. Rachel never actually said the words, but Finn knew what she was thinking every time she dragged another box up the stairs: "I told you so, I told you so, I _so_ told you so".

The two spent all afternoon and evening dropping off the boxes into whatever available space was left in the apartment, tiredly sorting through them at nine o'clock to find some blankets so that they could sleep at least somewhat comfortably for the first night.

"I don't think I can feel my legs," Rachel says conversationally, laying her head down on Finn's chest. "I used to think that when people said that they were just exaggerating, but it's true. I really can_not_ feel my legs." Finn covers his face with one arm, stretching his own legs out. He doesn't even really fit on the stupid air mattress, his feet stick over the end; their own bed won't be in until next week, which was just poor planning on their part. (And again, Rachel would never say it, but this is also Finn's fault. He was in charge of picking out the mattress that would go on the old bed frame that Finn's mother had given them – but there were just so many options, and with finals and everything, the mattress had sort of taken a back seat.)

"Well, at least we don't have to carry any more boxes up here tomorrow," Finn says, trying to be optimistic, and Rachel yawns, throwing an arm across his chest lazily.

"This is very true. Now we just have to unpack, and arrange everything, and make this apartment somewhat livable before we both start work on Monday," she says, and Finn can tell that she's sort of annoyed. He sighs.

"I'm sorry I told your dads not to help us. I just thought that this would be like, a good couple thing for us to do. Move in together, by ourselves," he says, a little embarrassed. "I didn't think it would actually be this much work. I guess I forgot just how much work it actually takes to move this much stuff."

Rachel doesn't say anything for a second, she just sits up and starts to pull the blankets tighter around herself then lays back down, except this time she's not laying on Finn, she's lying away from him. It couldn't be more obvious that she's super upset with him, and Finn sighs as she starts to protest.

"I'm trying not to say anything that I'll regret," Rachel says quickly, and she takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "This was just a very stressful day, and it would have been a lot less stressful if we had help. But, I understand where you're coming from, as well. Moving in on our own is a good first step towards being independent adults." Finn doesn't say anything for a moment, before quietly, he responds,

"So I didn't totally fuck up?"

And he can't help it; he's just really upset right now, and he needs Rachel's reassurances that everything's going to be okay. He thought that the minute he and Rach got to New York that everything would suddenly change automatically, that the apartment would just sort of come together and that they would magically become like, this super awesome adult couple that got everything right all time. But he's sort of starting to realize that being an actual adult means more than just being able to lug cardboard boxes up a couple of flights of stairs.

"Not completely," Rachel says, rolling over towards him. She kisses him on the cheek. "But if we don't have a mattress by tomorrow, I may retract that statement."

"Totally understandable, baby," Finn says, lazily throwing an arm around her waist. He doesn't exactly remember what retract means (it sounds an awful lot like redact, and Finn's not sure if the words are interchangeable or what, but even that clue doesn't help because he legit has no idea what redact means, either) but Rachel is smiling at him now, so he figures everything's okay for now.

"I can't believe we're living together," Rachel whispers. "Four years of long distance and we're finally, finally together." She sounds like she's about to cry, and Finn kind of feels like he could start crying, too.

Because it's still crazy to think that after months and months of Skype dates and phone calls and texts and weekend visits, he's finally going to be able to see Rachel every single day whenever he wants. It's going to be totally awesome and totally worth it – besides the fact that he still can't figure out the damn subway, even though Rachel's gone over the maps with him like a thousand times.

Whatever. He and Rachel will just have to go over the subway thing again tomorrow before he leaves for work. They have enough time to figure it out, anyway, right? No more goodbyes, no more see you soon's. This is it, they're together, and they can spend the rest of their lives trying to get Finn to figure out the subway.

He leans over and kisses Rachel.

"I love you," he says, smiling. "No more goodbyes."

"The Finn-less years are over," Rachel responds, wrapping her arms around his neck. Finn doesn't think he's ever seen Rachel so happy and… calm. Content. He kisses her again.

So they don't have a mattress yet. Big deal. Finn doesn't even care because he has Rachel and that's really all he needs right now.


End file.
